


To Forgive, Divine

by Hils



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-05
Updated: 2011-08-05
Packaged: 2018-10-17 19:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10600182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hils/pseuds/Hils
Summary: Sam is upset. Castiel tries to find out why.





	

Castiel still doesn’t consider himself particularly well versed in human behavior, but he’s spent enough time with Sam and Dean to be able to pick up certain body language signs and he can tell that Sam is upset.

Sam doesn’t say anything, of course. That’s the Winchester way. He carries on researching a way to avert the apocalypse and makes jokes about his brother’s eating habits. It’s when he’s alone with Castiel that things are different. He’s quiet and withdrawn and only speaks when he has to.

Castiel knows he’s responsible. It’s the only explanation for Sam’s unusual behavior but the cause of it is beyond him. All he knows is that something happened around the time that he consumed the contents of the liquor store (which is something he never plans to repeat, especially if this is the result). He finally decides to do the most logical thing and ask.

“Sam, may I speak with you for a moment?”

Sam barely looks up from his laptop, the glow bathing his face in a blue light which just makes Castiel realize how exhausted Sam is. He can see the tight lines on his face and the shadows under his eyes.

“Sure, Cas,” Sam replies absently as his fingers continue to fly over the keys. “What’s up?”

“I feel that I have done something to upset you.”

Sam’s hands pause for a fraction of a second, just long enough for Castiel to notice, and then he continues typing as though Castiel hasn’t even spoken.

“Sam?”

“I’m fine.”

It was a poor lie and Castiel is quite sure that if Dean were here instead of in a bar drinking away his own problems he’d be laughing at his brother right now.

“You’re not fine, Sam. Even I can see that. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

He has no idea when he’d come to care for the younger Winchester as much as he does. He still remembers a time when he saw him as no more than Dean’s tainted brother. But Sam Winchester is so much more than that, and it’s something Castiel has come to see the more time he spends with him. He’s kind and noble and despite the taint of his blood his soul shines brightly.

Castiel kept telling himself that he would one day tell Sam of his feelings but the time had never seemed right. But Sam is clearly hurting now, and if Castiel is the cause of that hurt he will do whatever it takes to remedy it.

Sam looks at him now, eyes dull and sad as he shakes his head with a resigned sigh.

“It’s nothing I didn’t already know, Cas. I know I’m a monster. An abomination like you said. I’ve known it for years. I just. . . I’m trying to make it better, you know? I set Lucifer free so I need to be the one to send him back, if I can just find a way.”

He turns his attention back to his computer and something inside Castiel clenches and aches.

_Sam, of course, is an abomination._

He has done this. Whatever guilt Sam was already feeling has been made worse by a few poorly chosen words when Castiel was under the influence of alcohol. Now he understands more than ever why drunkenness is considered a sin. All it does is cause pain and distress to those around you.

He moves closer and lays a hand on Sam’s shoulder, ignoring the way Sam immediately tenses.

“Sam,” he says gently. “You are not without your faults. None of us are. But the taint within you is not of your doing. It shows great strength that you fight it every day and don’t let it overcome you. You are a good man and I am honored to know you.”

And to prove his point he leans down and presses a soft kiss to Sam’s lips.

When he pulls back Sam is staring at him with wide eyes and a slack jaw.

“You. . . we . . . what?”

Castiel smiles gently. “I care about you a great deal, Sam. You are strong and kind, noble and loyal and over time I have come to realize that my feelings for you go beyond those of friendship.”

Sam blinks at him. “You . . . kissed me.”

“It’s something I’ve longed to do for a while now, ever since Anna threatened your life and I realized I would rather destroy my own sister than allow any harm to come to you. I trust it wasn’t unpleasant.”

Sam shakes his head. “No, it was nice. It’s just . . . Cas, you’re an angel. I’m a monster.”

Castiel kisses him again. “You’re not a monster, Sam. I apologize for ever saying it. Please forgive me.”

This time Sam kisses him, and it warms Castiel’s vessel in a way that he has never experienced before. When Sam’s arm wraps around him he feels like every act of rebellion he has committed was worth it for this feeling.

When Sam pulls back with a soft smile Castiel extends his hand. “It’s late. You should rest. You look exhausted.”

Sam’s eyes flick back to his computer screen with a look of guilt. Sam and Dean are truly brothers in that regard. Both would work themselves to death in an effort to atone for things beyond their control.

“Your research will still be there in the morning, and I will stay with you to assist.”

It’s almost as though someone has flipped a switch. Sam’s whole body relaxes with relief and he flashes Castiel a grateful smile before he shuts down his computer and pads into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Castiel takes the time to check the wards they have set (up?) in the motel room. He’d painted them himself in his own blood so he knows they’re secure but he wants to be certain so they can both rest easily.

By the time he’s done Sam has changed into a pair of pajama pants and is in bed, his eyes following Castiel as he moves around the room.

Usually he would just sit in a chair in the corner of the room while Sam slept but things are different now.

“May I join you?” Castiel asks and is relieved when Sam smiles and shifts over so there is room for them both in the bed.

Castiel removes his shoes, coat and jacket before settling down next to Sam.

“Rest,” he tells Sam gently. “I will watch over you.”

Sam rolls onto his side and looks at Castiel hesitantly, as though he is still half convinced that the kisses between them had never happened. Castiel simply smiles and brushes a hand through Sam’s hair. Apparently that’s all the permission Sam needs and he throws one arm across Castiel’s waist and rests his head against Castiel’s shoulder. He’s asleep within five minutes.

It’s a strange feeling. Sam’s body is so much larger than Castiel’s, yet he seems so vulnerable lying here like this, trusting Castiel to protect him. Castiel vows then and there to make sure he is worthy of Sam’s trust from now on.

Tomorrow they will renew their search for a way to prevent the apocalypse and earn the redemption Sam feels he so desperately needs.

They will work on it together.


End file.
